We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
