The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize