I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
