I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
