Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize