Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
