If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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