Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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