She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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