I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He better not be in your backpack
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
