Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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