I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
