Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
