Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
