Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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