You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Dicks are not precious.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
