I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
