My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
