his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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