dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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