I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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