Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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