She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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