I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize