honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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