She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
