I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
