And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
