He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
