I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
