Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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