I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
