Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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