Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
