I molested 6 butterflies tonight
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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