hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
