just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
