Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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