I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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