I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
