I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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