Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Four minutes until I can fart!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
