remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
