Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
