So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh god it's open bar.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
