Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
