Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
