If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
