did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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