Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
