I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I met the friendliest cop last night
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize