Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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