just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
