Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
