I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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