Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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