Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
