im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
