My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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