Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
