I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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