Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
