Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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