Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
