I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
