I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
