Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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