They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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