you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
