Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
