I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
