i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
