There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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