he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sober January is a disaster.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
