i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
