His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
