WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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