this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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