i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
