I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
