he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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