friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
