you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
