We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
only if we run a train.
done.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
