"it" just moved
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
