I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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