If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
