My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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