i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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