i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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