Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
