she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
