party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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