dude i'm inner monologue high
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
