Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
