Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
