I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
