You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
