I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize