Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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