I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
