operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
