I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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