i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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