i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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