im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
meet me or not, i'm out of control
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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